I'm sure we all get e-mails like this, but grant-makers probably see more than most. Preview pane means that just occasionally, something kinda leaps out at me before I hit the delete key, and some of those somethings are just too funny not to snip'n'share ... (yes, I know I'm sad keeping them)

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"And I know GOD told me to write this mail to you, as I prayed to him every moment."

[Shame God didn't read our application guidelines.]

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[2 days after first unmemorable spam:]

"Last day I was send you this mail but you didn’t give to me any answer what do u think about me that I m liar, and just playing with you on net and greedy person for a money SO NOPE NEVER JUST I M IN PROBLEM AND I CANT SEE ANY WHERE WHAT I DO? ......

But you didn’t give any answer to me. Why you didn’t believe on true if I will give you so badly and sad lie story so I think you will believe to me. Please help me really I need your help any help me please
Why?"

[Because I'm a horrible, horrible person.]

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[Incredibly long e-mail - diversify to survive]

"I am watching a donor for invest me with my people ...

Because I have a plan in future buildup
agriculture, Fishery, Poultry and Livestock Project ...

At first I will give you my Company Profile: One name is Power Print LTD and another name is GraphicPeople ... GraphicPeople is a State of the Art DTP studio, using the latest technology to serve mainly large European clients, needing high volume, complextivity and many language versions ...

If you are interest with this proposal please mail me, and I suggested you for a very good profitable business is jute, I have a jute business, I want export my jute another country ..."

[Eeny meeny miny mo ...]

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"I would like to thank you for your wonderful and user-friendly website."

[... which you evidently didn't read as you are nowhere near our three clearly specified geographical funding areas.]

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"Let me hope that I have given you a great burden but I hope to hear from you soon."

[Thanks I think.]

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[A sales pitch rather than an application, but too funny not to include:]

"So, we hope that you must take the right action to solve the problem of climate change. How to take the action? We suggest that your organization should take the following steps immediately.

1. Communicate all the relevant scientists and experts in the organization and integrate them into an emergent team.
2. The urgent team must be immediately associated with [name deleted] team which is leaded by Mr. [name deleted].
3. Send a delegation of the team to Taiwan immediately."

[Just like that. Bagsy go. Hang on, carbon footprint? Guess we'll have to walk/swim]

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[The best reason I've ever seen for an organisation to stop sending random e-mails to all and sundry:]

"The economic situation has sharply deteriorated prostitution is being seen to increase dramatically. It’s because our Organisation request your assistance to promote community
development, healthcare services, health prevention and health education within our communities."

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"(excuse me - is a not spam)"

[Excuse me, but I'm afraid it is]

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"Please we want you to remember that a slark bag will easily colarpse ..."

[sounds very ominous]

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[Short and sweet (no attachment):]

"respected sir,"

[The End]

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